It's been coming back more frequently now. A loathing, vile taint... pointing mocking fingers at my inadequacies and wiping shit on the occasional moments of happiness I have.
I know it's coming. Every time I know. It announces its presence, whispering hateful insinuations that turn into screamed insults blocking out all good things.
It's been this way for as long as I can remember, a long time cleverly concealed by the drug and alcohol abuse of my younger years. Now that I'm older, without the reliance of that crutch, it's been increasingly hard to keep my emotions under control. I'm running out of the tape needed to fix my paper thin skin.
I don't write this as some veiled attempt for pity, nor is it a suicide note. I love my wife and my son more than the world, more than anything, and will carry on as long as I can for them as well as for myself. I live for those shining moments which make it all worth while.
Instead, this is strictly for anyone who may feel the same, other souls who endlessly trudge the cliffs of happiness, only to tumble painfully down the mountains into sorrow.
Know that you are not alone.
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